


A Thousand Miles

by mellonemrys



Category: Gundam Wing, 機動戦士ガンダム | Mobile Suit Gundam (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post-Series, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-03 16:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellonemrys/pseuds/mellonemrys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationships between two people are difficult to maintain, even when the people involved completely trust themselves. The things we experience test our resolve, and sometimes its impossible to see why we should be happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Thousand Miles

_**November 3rd AC195** _

 

When had everything gone so wrong? Things were worse than they had been the last time Quatre had been on Earth. Or maybe they had been this bad and he just hadn’t been looking hard enough. All the destruction hurt to look at, but Quatre forced himself to. Part of this was his fault. He hadn’t fought hard enough. And now, without Sandrock, without any of the other pilots...what could he do? He’d killed Trowa. The first person he’d really connected with in such a long time. The other pilot had surrendered to him, had been worried about his humanity more than his own life. And Quatre hadn’t realized how important Trowa was until it was too late. There was nothing he could do about it.

 

Heero had decided to stay with the Treize Faction soldiers, to show the rest of Romefeller that he was still alive. But Quatre couldn’t see the point in it. How could more death, more destruction help anything? Eventually the woods gave way to fields and roads. There were soldiers everywhere. What about the people that lived there? If fighting started then they’d just be hurt. It was completely disgusting that Romefeller thought it was okay to involve civilians in their war. They just wanted to live their lives in peace! What was so wrong with that!?

 

Why was everyone acting so crazy? Quatre felt so alone. So lost. He didn’t have a purpose, a way to fight back. People were being hurt and the blond just felt like he was drowning in his own conflicting emotions. And he didn’t even deserve anyone’s pity.

 

“Quatre, that’s not like you.”

 

Trowa’s voice echoed in his ears. Had it really been over a month since that battle? It was hard for Quatre to believe that Trowa was gone. Sometimes he thought he could feel that familiar tug at his heart. It had to be wishful thinking though. He had to find a way to get that strength back. Even without Trowa, or Heero, or Duo, or Wufei, or even the Magunacs at his side, he was still a Gundam pilot, and he needed to fight for the people who couldn’t fight for themselves.

 

That was what he could do to make it up to everyone he’d hurt. Continue to fight, no matter the cost. It wouldn’t make things right, but maybe it would make a difference. Quatre didn’t want to be remembered in the history books. He just wanted to end this war, and stop the fighting. And if he died in the process, well then at least he would die doing what he believed was right. Maybe then he could be at peace?

  
  


_**November 20th AC195** _

 

The blond was so familiar. But every time Trowa tried to remember anything it hurt. Watching the blond walk away had hurt too though. He’d wanted to reach out stop him. But Catherine had told him to leave. That was probably for the best, right? She was his sister and just wanted to protect him. Why didn’t anything make sense anymore?

 

But the fact was that Trowa couldn’t just stay in the circus with Catherine. It wasn’t where his heart really was. That blond, who could fight for the colonies and Earth needed him. And even though it hurt to remember, Trowa knew that eventually he would have to. Because somewhere, buried in his past was the reason why that blond was calling out to him for help. He had to help the blond and come back to Catherine once everything was over. Living by what his heart told him was the only way he’d find the answers he craved.

  
  


_**September 23rd AC200** _

 

It had been five years. And while the war had ended and life had been fairly peaceful, Quatre still didn’t feel ‘happy’. Working for his family’s company, rebuilding the colonies and the places on Earth destroyed by the wars had taken up almost all his time in the last five years. Sure he saw Duo on occasion, and emailed with the others. But it wasn’t the same. He was craving something more. It wasn’t up to him if he’d ever get what he wanted though.

 

“Quatre...Earth to Quatre!” Duo said to him, scowling over his coffee.

 

Quatre blinked and looked up at his friend sheepishly. He’d been staring out at space. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

 

Duo groaned dramatically and rolled his eyes. “Really Quat, what do I have to do to keep your attention? Bring naked pictures of Trowa with me on my visits?”

 

The blond choked on his own coffee and quickly set down his cup as he tried to regain his composure. “DUO!”

 

“Whaaaaaat? Its worth a try, right?”

 

“Stop it!” Quatre argued, shooting Duo a glare. The last thing he needed was Duo somehow getting naked pictures of his not so secret crush.

 

Leaning back in his chair, Duo propped his feet up on the coffee table. “I don’t know why you get so worked up about it. Its what you want after all.”

 

“Says the man who is head over heels for Heero Yuy.” He shot back. Though at least Duo had broached the subject with Heero. It just hadn’t gotten much further than that yet. In his last email Heero had told Quatre he wasn’t sure how a relationship was really supposed to work. Of all the people to be asking for dating advice, Quatre knew he wasn’t the best person to ask.

 

Pouting, Duo crossed his arms, “Hey! I’m trying at least!”

 

“I know. I know...but I haven’t even spoken with Trowa in over a year.” His work schedule and the circus’ performance schedule were both really busy. The two of them always seemed to be moving around, but never in the same place. And email just didn’t feel like enough to Quatre.

 

“He’s going to be in the area this weekend.”

 

“What?” Quatre didn’t remember this colony being on the circus’ performance schedule, and he’d pretty much memorized it.

 

“Yeah. He’s ‘taking a break’. Which is code for he’s on a Preventer mission. Him, Heero and Wufei actually. We could get the whole gang back together if we wanted to.”

 

A mission. The former Sandrock pilot had worked with the Preventers on a few missions at the beginning. But as the years had drug on he’d gotten more and more involved with his work and eventually Une had stopped calling him. “Oh...I wouldn’t want to bother them then.”

 

“Quatre,” Duo said, his tone serious again, “You’re one of my best friends. So I’m saying this because it needs to be said, you need to start living your life. You’re smart, sweet, sexy...but you are going to kill yourself if you just keep hiding away in offices for the rest of your life. If you don’t fucking get out there and have some fun, I swear I am going to drag you kicking and screaming.”

  
  


_**September 21st AC200** _

 

Looking up at the office building, Trowa could only guess which light was Quatre’s office. Duo had not had much luck in getting the stubborn blond to budge the day before. And it hurt him, knowing that Quatre was too wrapped up in working to even come see his ‘friends’. But that wasn’t why he was really there. A group of gun runners were using this colony as a base of operations, and Trowa would not allow that. Quatre didn’t need to see anymore death or destruction. Maybe he didn’t belong with Quatre, but he still cared for the blond, even after all these years. He still thought about him every day.

 

His mobile phone rang in his pocket and he answered it without thinking, “Hello?”

 

“We have a green light.” Heero’s voice said on the other end. That meant the gun runners had made a move. Now all they had to do was round them up and arrest them. It shouldn’t have been a hard task for four ex-Gundam pilots.

 

It started to rain as Trowa jogged back to where he’d left his motorcycle. Looking back at the office building again, he thought he caught a glimpse of a figure looking down from one of the windows, but it was gone a moment later. Shaking his head, Trowa put on his helmet and sped off towards the rendezvous point.

 

***

 

Duo had left frustrated the night before. Later he’d texted that he was going to hang out with the others. That he was going to make the first move with Heero. Then his texts had stopped for the night. Quatre figured his friends had probably had a good time together before having to focus on their upcoming mission.

 

So why had he been feeling so nervous and upset the entire day? It was as if all his anxiousness from the war had come back. His friends were the best at what they did, but for some reason Quatre couldn’t really explain, he was worried. The last hour he’d spent just pacing back and forth in his office. Almost everyone else had gone home. But the idea of leaving a nearly empty office for an empty apartment wasn’t appealing to him.

 

Passing by the large window looking over the street, Quatre thought he could see someone watching the building. His heart jumped a little at the sight. That feeling was unmistakable. The shock of dark hair covering half of the person’s face wasn’t a bad hint either. Not letting himself waste another moment, Quatre rushed for the door. Maybe if he could catch Trowa before he left. But as the blond ran out into the rain, there was no sign of anyone else on the street.

 

The street lights blinked into life, and Quatre reached out, trying to sense if maybe Trowa was still nearby, but there was nothing. He hoped that his rain soaked appearance would hide his tears as he walked back into the lobby. He was too distracted by his own problems to notice anyone following him into the building until it was too late. Quatre felt the sharp crack to the back of his head as he realized something was wrong. And then he was falling.

 

***

 

Glancing at Trowa for a moment, Heero then checked his watch again. Something wasn’t right. It had been two hours since they had last seen any kind of movement at the old warehouse. Heat vision goggles weren’t showing any signatures. Either their marks had had some other escape route, or this had been a set up. Heero was more convinced it was the latter.

 

Everything was much too quiet for his liking. And Trowa was positively driving him crazy. Normally the two of them had an unspoken understanding. They were alike in a lot of ways, so it was easy for Heero to read Trowa’s subtle movements and guess what he was thinking. This mission however had been completely different. The other pilot had been on edge and acting strangely the entire time. He’d even begged Duo to try to get Quatre to come meet them for drinks the night before. People like Trowa didn’t beg unless they were desperate.

 

Unlike Duo, Heero wasn’t willing to get in the middle of Quatre and Trowa’s stubborn lack of relationship. No matter how stupid the two of them were being. The green eyed pilot practically lived and breathed for Quatre Winner, but nothing was going to change if the two of them couldn’t figure out how to talk to each other about their feelings. He was learning that himself. And luckily, Duo seemed willing to wait for him to stumble and figure things out.

 

“Something isn’t right.” Heero finally said. He was sure that Duo and Wufei in their hiding place had come to the same conclusion by now. It was just a question of who would break radio silence first.

 

Shaking his head, Trowa rubbed his temples. He looked a little ill. Why hadn’t Heero noticed sooner?

 

“Trowa?”

 

Green eyes turned to him in the dark, “I agree.” Then he turned his gaze back towards the city as if he were searching for something.

 

“...its Quatre isn’t it?” Even though his connection with the blond wasn’t as strong as Trowa’s, there had been something nagging at him for some time now. And saying it outloud, finally that feeling made sense. Something was wrong with Quatre.

 

“He’s in trouble, I just don’t know where.”

 

That was all Heero needed to hear. Pulling out his phone he sent Wufei a message. They needed to regroup and figure out what the hell was going on. Wufei and Duo made their way into the warehouse as Heero and Trowa raced towards Quatre’s office building. The police and media had beat them to it, but a flash of their Preventer’s badges gained them access to the lobby without a problem.

 

The police that had been working the scene showed them a polaroid pinned to a quickly scrawled note in a plastic evidence bag. Trowa began to stew over the photo of Quatre unconscious on the cold lobby floor with a copy of the evening paper next to him. This had all been a feint to distract them and get to Quatre!? He’d been standing just outside not half an hour before the timestamp on the photo. If he’d just...Heero put a hand on his shoulder firmly and pulled him out of earshot of the police.

 

“Trowa, you need to keep a level head right now.” He gave Trowa a stern look that just dared Trowa to test his patience at the moment. Heero was the lead on this mission, and he had no problems with sidelining Trowa if he became a problem.

 

“I was here, I could have stopped this!”

 

“Right now we need to find Quatre. You can beat yourself up about it later. But right now, I need you at your best. Can you honestly give me that right now?”

 

Pulling away from Heero sharply, Trowa nodded, his jaw set in a determined line. Heero was right of course. Their priority needed to be finding Quatre and getting him back safely. He could wade in self pity later.

 

***

 

The throbbing pain from the back of his head slowly pulled Quatre back into wakefulness. Before he even opened his eyes he could tell he was tied to a chair with nylon ropes in a brightly lit room. An interrogation. Fantastic. His jacket had been taken away, and so had his side arm. Experimentally he flexed his fingers, running them over the cuffs of his shirt. Those seemed to be intact, which meant he had access to lock picking tools and a length of wire at least.

 

Next he started to take a physical inventory of his injuries. A few bruises and achy muscles from being tied up. That meant he’d been there for a while. But the blow to his head seemed to be his only majour injury at the moment. Quatre sincerely hoped he could keep it that way. Cracking open his eyes finally, he counted three large, burly men. They were all heavily armed. Apparently they were taking this kidnapping seriously. Considering they were probably the gun runners the others were after, it was a smart move. Though Quatre had to wonder if he’d been captured as the head of the Winner family, or as a Gundam pilot.

 

“Oh look, the rich boy is awake.”

 

Quatre prayed they only knew him as the head of the Winner family.

 

One of the armed men moved forward and lifted Quatre’s chin with the barrel of his automatic rifle. He did his best not to flinch. A practiced eye told him that the safety was off and it was loaded. Just one squeeze of the trigger...blue eyes glared at the armed men. He was not about to be intimidated by a bunch of criminals. He’d been in danger like this before. And he knew how to handle himself. Eventually the others would come for him. He just had to last until then.

 

The man laughed, sliding the barrel to the side of Quatre’s face so that it was aimed at the wall and fired once. The sound deafened Quatre and he jerked his head away as one of the red hot casings bounced off his cheek before hitting the ground.

 

“Your company is going to pay us, give us a shuttle to leave this colony with, and then we’ll tell them where to collect your corpse.”

 

“Winner Enterprises does not negotiate with terrorists or kidnappers. You won’t be getting any money.” Quatre answered coolly. It was bold, and it was possible that it would backfire on him. But right now he had to buy time. Reaching out to Trowa, he hoped he’d reach the other man, I need you Trowa.

 

_**December 28th AC196** _

 

Dawn had broken, but the streets were still flooded with people. He, Quatre and Duo had already moved their Gundams to a more secluded area and pressed the self-destruct buttons for the last time. Over a year of their lives was gone in a single, bright explosion. After everything though, he’d survived. And Quatre was there by his side, shivering a bit as they made the trek back to town. Trowa wrapped an arm around Quatre’s shoulders and rubbed his arm to help keep him warm in the chilly air. That got him a thankful smile from the blond. But once they were back in the city, Quatre naturally pulled ahead, walking faster as he weaved his way through the crowds. Moving to follow, Trowa felt a hand on his shoulder and looked back at Duo questioning.

 

“Quat probably wants to get out of sight before some bone headed reporter recognizes him and tries to ask him a million questions.” Duo explained, giving Trowa an apologetic smile. While he knew that Trowa probably wanted to talk to Quatre, right now all of them were a little shaken, not to mention tired as hell. None of them had gotten much sleep since this whole incident started.

 

“You’re right…” The blond pilot had already disappeared into the crowds by the time Trowa turned back to look for him. He wondered if Quatre wanted there to be more between them. A year before, Trowa would have said yes without question. Quatre’s face lit up every time Trowa saw him, and that connection between them had never faltered. But right then, he had no idea if Quatre needed him, or even wanted him around. Maybe once the crowds went home, and things went back to normal they could talk? They’d both come so far in the past year! He didn’t want to lose it now.

  
  


_**September 22nd AC200** _

 

Quatre wasn’t aware how many hours had passed. He’d been in and out of consciousness as his captors tried to get what they wanted out of him. And the room he was being held in didn’t have any windows, let alone a clock. For the moment though, he was thankfully alone. His entire body ached, and it didn’t even matter that they’d left him mostly unbound in a heap on the floor. Quatre honestly doubted that he would be able to walk on his own power.

 

During the war he’d been lucky enough to be spared physical torture. He’d had empathy for what the others had gone through, but until now, he really hadn’t understood. His sense of time had completely slipped away in favour of trying to pretend none of this was happening. He’d heard Wufei talk about using meditation as an escape while he’d been held captive, but it was hard to ignore the pain. Cheek pressed to the cool cement, his mind started to wander. The others would come for him…Trowa would come for him. Even if Quatre had screwed up their chances together, they had still been comrades, right? If he could just see Trowa again, one more time, then he didn’t really care what happened.

  
  


_**December 31st AC196** _

 

He’d been distant since their ‘victory’ over Mariemaia’s troops. Quatre was still trying to figure out exactly why himself. It could have been the pressure from his family to officially take over as the head of Winner Enterprises. Or seeing everyone again. Or maybe he had missed the rush of battle? And now he’d never get to experience that rush again. There was also the nagging feeling that now that the Gundams were gone, he and the other pilots would drift apart. That was what was probably worrying him the most.

 

A steaming cup of coffee appeared in front of him, and Quatre looked up to see who had brought it for him. Trowa gave him a small smile, then sat down next to him. The other man had been nothing but kind and attentive the last few days. And Quatre knew that he was waiting for him. But that doubt was welling up in Quatre’s heart and keeping him from letting Trowa start that conversation.

 

“Thank you Trowa.” He offered him a smile in return and wrapped his hands around the warm mug. The stars were already peaking out of the clouds that had been dusting the city with snow. It would be a very pretty New Year.

 

They sat silently until Duo showed up, Heero in tow. Then Relena and Noin and Millardo. Une was still at the hospital with Mariemaia, and Wufei had gone off on his own again. Other people filtered in as it drew closer and closer to midnight, and eventually all eyes were looking out the large windows at the New Year’s ball in the square just outside. As the countdown started, Quatre got to his feet and quietly made his way to the door. He still wasn’t ready to be around all these people. Losing Sandrock had just hit him harder than expected. That was all. He’d watched everyone pair off as it got closer to midnight. Even Trowa seemed engrossed by Catherine’s surprise appearance.

 

And even though Quatre could feel his heart breaking, there was a shuttle waiting for him to take him back to the colonies. The President of the ESUN had asked Winner Enterprises to help rebuild war torn areas of the colonies and Earth. It was a huge undertaking, and business didn’t waste time for celebrations. Giving the party one last look, Quatre forced himself to leave. His friends would hopefully understand. And Trowa...deserved to be with someone who had the time to actually be with him.

 

The clock struck midnight and fireworks launched outside as the ball dropped. Cheers and whistles sounded in the penthouse suite Quatre had booked for them all ‘for as long as they needed it’. It took a few moments for Trowa to realize, but pulling away from his sister he noticed that Quatre was no where to be seen. He looked over at Heero who shrugged, and then Duo who just shook his head. Later that night Trowa found an envelope addressed to him on his bed. Tearing it open there was a small metal charm with ‘03’ engraved on it. But that was all. No note, no goodbye, just Quatre’s handwriting on the envelope to indicate who it was from. Sitting down on the bed, Trowa stared at the small piece of what he guessed was Gundanium and wondered what on Earth he had done so wrong.

 

_**September 22nd AC200** _

 

The sun was up. And Quatre had been missing for over twelve hours. Trowa had been searching through CCTV footage, but he still had no idea where the men that had taken Quatre could be. Wufei was coordinating with the police and the Preventers to make sure they were the first ones to get information. Duo was practically bouncing off the walls with nothing to do and his best friend missing. And Heero, well Trowa hadn’t seen him in hours.

 

Trowa’s phone rang and he absently answered it without looking at the caller id, “Hello?”

 

The voice on the other end cleared his throat, “Trowa?”

 

It was Quatre. The brunette nearly dropped the phone in his shock and waved frantically at Wufei and Duo as he put it on speaker. “Quatre, are you alright? Where are you?”

 

“I can’t say.”

 

This was proof of life for a ransom demand. He sounded exhausted, but at least he was alive. Heero had appeared again and was already on a computer typing away quietly. Probably trying to get a trace. All he needed was to keep Quatre on the phone long enough.

 

“They want 20 million untraceable credits transferred to my personal account from Winner Enterprises. A shuttle. And they ask not to be followed.”

 

Eyes on Heero, Trowa was starting to get nervous. The Japanese man was still typing away with no signs of stopping. “Quatre, what about you? If we do this you’ll be okay, right?”

 

The line was silent for a moment, then there was a grunt of pain. “Of course. It will be just like on Libra. I’ll be fine.” There was a sharp smack and Quatre’s muffled cry of pain.

 

“You have two hours, we’ll send further instructions.” Another deep male voice said before the line went dead.

 

Quatre was not okay. Dorothy had stabbed him on Libra. Did that mean they planned to hurt him? Kill him? Trowa was not going to let that happen. He didn’t realize he’d been standing until he felt Duo’s hand on his shoulder.

 

“Tro, we’re gonna get him back. He gave us what he could. We’ll get these bastards.” Messaging Trowa’s shoulder, Duo didn’t make any sign that he was moving away.

 

“He’s injured and just told us that they are going to keep hurting him. And possibly try to kill him.”

 

“All we can do is find him before they do that Trowa.” Heero finally said, looking up from his computer.

 

“Did the trace work?” Wufei asked, needed to know where to direct people to as soon as possible.

 

“I narrowed it down to a city block. We’ll find him.”

  
  


_**December 25th AC195** _

 

Trowa was glad for the privacy. Duo meant well, but Quatre needed rest. And Rashid had been gracious enough understand without Trowa having to explain anything. Maybe Quatre had spoken to the man, or maybe it was just that obvious to the people around them. The green eyed pilot wasn’t sure yet which he would prefer. Or if he just didn’t care. What he did know for certain was that Quatre was special, and that he would never let anything like this happen to him again.

 

The blond had been asleep for a few hours, just long enough to sleep through the remainder of Christmas Eve. This wasn’t how Trowa had pictured things. Quatre’s arms wrapped around him, holding onto him tightly as if he might disappear. Even though Trowa didn’t really understand it yet, he didn’t mind. It was comfortable. And he could still feel Quatre’s lips pressed gently against his in the dark room. How long had Quatre been waiting to do that? When had he become okay with it?

 

Quatre whimpered in his sleep. Looking down at the blond head pillowed against his shoulder, Trowa gently ran his fingers through Quatre’s hair to quiet him. His Quatre didn’t deserve to be plagued by nightmares, no matter what he’d done during the war. Those battles were over now. They could all move on and learn to live in this new world with the peace they’d helped create. Maybe even together, if that was what Quatre wanted.

  
  


**_September 22nd AC200_ **

 

“You better hope your friend is quick.” The ring leader told Quatre after the call had been disconnected.

 

Glaring up at the larger man, Quatre was still trying to work the wire out of the sleeve of his shirt. His entire body ached, but that wasn’t an excuse he could live with. These men had no intention of leaving him alive once they’d been given the money and an escape route. Quatre also knew that the phone call may not have been long enough for the other pilots to manage a trace. He wasn’t even sure if the others had been in the room with Trowa or not. There had been a quiet sound that had almost sounded like typing, but the blond couldn’t be sure.

 

“He seemed concerned. Perhaps we should have asked for more?”

 

Keeping his mouth shut was probably the best thing for the moment. Quatre didn’t want to betray any more information. There was always the risk that the gun runners would go after Trowa, just because they could.

 

With a snort, the leader kicked the chair Quatre had been tied up to again. It skidded back until it hit the wall of the room. Quatre bit back a hiss of pain. He just had to keep working on the seam, once he had access to the wire he’d have a weapon. And as soon as they left him alone or stopped paying attention to him, he could get to work on the knots in the rope.

 

One of the men nodded over in Quatre’s direction, “We should just kill him now. Then we won’t have to worry about it later.”

 

***

 

The minutes drug on and melted together as they searched the block. The thing that scared Trowa the most was not being able to feel Quatre. There could have been a hundred reasons why. The simplest being that the blond didn’t want him to feel his pain. That was what Trowa was hoping was the reason. Most of the alternatives were things he wasn’t ready to consider yet. About half an hour into the search he heard gunfire. And before he could think he was moving towards it. His heart was pounding so hard he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. Quatre had to be okay. He just had to be.

 

A few police officers had been searching the area when the shooting had started. From the reports gathered after everything was said and done, the kidnappers had attempted to dispose of the evidence of their crime. Quatre had managed to free himself and was able to fight back to a degree. Or at least enough to make it to the door of the room he’d been held in. He’d been shot in the chest at that point and had been struggling to breathe when the police reached him. By the time Trowa had reached the scene the blond had lost consciousness and was being carried to an awaiting ambulance. The last that Trowa saw of him was as the paramedics were scrambling to hook him up to tubes and machines inside the ambulance before the doors were slammed shut.

  
  


_**April 10th AC195** _

 

Quatre had to admit that when he’d first gotten behind the controls of a mobile suit he’d never expected to make friends. But thus far he’d met the Magunacs who were practically family at this point. And Trowa Barton. He didn’t care if the name was fake. Trowa was...one of the most honest people he’d ever met. There was just something about the other boy that brought a smile to his lips. It was hard to miss his kind heart, and his gentle looks. They’d only met less than twenty four hours ago, but Quatre couldn’t help but hope that he’d never see the end of Trowa Barton. If things like soul mates existed, the blond was certain that he’d found his.

 

_**April 20th AC195** _

 

He’d stayed with Quatre for ten days. Just long enough to complete repairs on his Gundam and make sure he had everything he needed for his next mission. The blond had been oddly accommodating. Even if it did appear that they were on the same side. What someone like him was doing behind the controls of a mobile suit, he wasn’t sure. The blond had money, and resources. He was intelligent, and seemed well educated. Yet he was fighting alongside rebels and outcasts. Quatre should have been fighting with words along with other politicians. After all, there was no room in war for kindness. It would only destroy him in the end. If he lasted long enough that was. And given the risks he’d taken in their short battle, it wasn’t horribly likely that the blond would last too long.

 

Glancing back up at Quatre, he had to wonder what had possessed him to start fighting. Every soldier had a reason, a story behind the first time they’d picked up a weapon. His was survival. If he hadn’t started fighting before he could remember then he wouldn’t be alive today. That was his reality. A no name kid with no history, no family, and no reason to go on except that it was the only thing he knew. People like him were lost on battlefields all the time. And would continue to be lost until wars stopped all together.

 

_**December 25th AC195** _

 

When he woke, Quatre knew that Trowa hadn’t left him all night. He was still safely nestled in Trowa’s arms. And there wasn’t a more perfect way to wake up in his mind. A smile pulled at his lips as Trowa opened his eyes. They’d both made it through the war. It was more than many others could say. Quatre was grateful for it. And he always would be.

 

“I’m sorry I woke you.”

 

“I don’t mind Quatre. How are you feeling.”

 

“Still a little tired. But better. Thank you for staying with me.” Trowa smiled and Quatre was sure his heartbeat sped up just a little.

 

“I wanted to.” His fingers delicately slipped through blond hair.

 

It felt so natural and right for Trowa to do that. Quatre sighed and leaned into the attention.

  
  


_**September 23rd AC200** _

 

He hadn’t slept for over twenty four hours at this point. The others had given up on trying to make him sleep. Instead they’d offered to run for more coffee while they waited. None of them had seen the quiet pilot quite like this before. Not even at the end of the war when Quatre had been injured. Then again, it had looked like the two of them would be inseparable at that point. Quatre seemed to thrive on Trowa’s smile and Trowa had never smiled more than when he was around Quatre. But fairytale endings were just in books after all.

 

“Hey Tro, more coffee?” Duo asked as it was going on over twelve hours in the waiting room.

 

Trowa merely nodded, turning over a small silver charm in his hands. The last thing he wanted to do was to lose Quatre, but that was what had happened. He’d let him slip away four years ago. And he hadn’t fought hard enough to get him to come back. His hands started to shake and he dropped the charm. The last time he’d cried he hadn’t known the reason for his tears. And right then he almost wished for that ignorance again. He didn’t want to break down. Not in case Quatre woke up. Quatre didn’t need to see him crying.

 

“Trowa?” Duo carefully picked up the charm and sat down next to him. Heero made eye contact with him and nodded slightly. So Duo wrapped his arms around Trowa. It was one of the last things he’d ever pictured doing. And after a moment Trowa was leaning into the embrace, hiding his tears in Duo’s shoulder. “Its going to be okay buddy. You know Q-Bean, he’d never let something like this beat him.”

 

“I can’t lose him.”

 

“...yeah, we know.”

  
  


_**December 24th AC197** _

 

It had been almost a year since he’d seen Quatre. The blond had effectively buried himself up to his blond hair in work. And Trowa couldn’t justify interrupting him. So he’d travelled with the circus and sent letters. Occasionally he got rushed answers where Quatre always apologized for his lack of free time. At least they were something. That was better than nothing. Duo had phoned him and told him where Quatre would be over the holidays, so Trowa had decided on a calculated risk. He’d requested the time off and taken a shuttle to Earth.

 

Honestly it wouldn’t have been hard to slip past the security unseen, but Trowa stopped by the front gate and pressed the buzzer. The voice on the intercom wasn’t anyone he recognized, but he was allowed through just by giving his name. Apparently Quatre had told his security about certain people. Which made him feel a little better at least.

 

He was let into the house and led up to the same bedroom he’d been given the only other time he’d stayed there. It was a little surreal. Almost as if Quatre had expected him. And while it was possible that Quatre had sensed him long before he’d stepped up to the gate, Trowa wanted to believe that he’d surprised the blond a little.

 

“Trowa…?”

 

Quatre’s voice was so tired. If he’d called ahead, then maybe the blond could have gotten whatever rest he needed first. Getting up from the desk chair, he tried not to be nervous. “Yes. I should have spoken to you first, but I wanted to see you.”

 

Trowa briefly saw a smile on Quatre’s features as he leaned in the doorway.

 

“I apologize for that.”

 

“There’s no need to apologize Trowa. I’ll just whollop Duo the next time I see him.”

 

“I pressed for the information.” He was certain that Quatre would pick up on the desperation in his tone.

 

With a nod, Quatre lowered his eyes as if he shouldn’t be allowed to look at him. “I’ve been...busy.”

 

It wasn’t a good excuse, but it had been his favoured one. Duo was the only one of the pilots bullheaded enough to track him down to force a visit. Heero, Trowa, and Wufei had kept a respectful distance. Until now. But Quatre couldn’t really blame Trowa. And he wasn’t surprised when he felt the other pilot’s arms wrap gently around his waist.

 

“...Trowa…”

 

“I don’t care how busy you are. So long as I can still be a part of your life.” He slipped his fingers into Quatre’s hair, and the blond leaned against him. That was all it took. Blue eyes were looking up at him, and Trowa took the opportunity and kissed him.

 

_**September 23rd AC200** _

 

Blue eyes opened, panic at not recognizing his surroundings showing in them. He tried to move, to call out, but everything was too muddled in pain and medication to do either. Gripping the sheets next to him tightly, Quatre tried to calm down. He knew that things would come back to him and start to make sense if he calmed down. Talking wasn’t possible, especially not when just breathing seemed to hurt and take most of his effort. There also seemed to be a tube down his throat.

 

A doctor came into view and started giving some kind of orders. He was on too much pain medication to pay attention to what was being said. But a twinge of pain in his arm made him glance over to the side in time to see a nurse emptying a syringe into his IV. Damn Gundam pilots always needed so much medication. He remembered Sally complaining about that when she’d treated him before. So he probably wasn’t supposed to be awake. That could mean a lot of things. Maybe they were still trying to save him? Trowa had promised to come for him. Before things got worse…

  
  


_**December 25th AC197** _

 

He didn’t want to get up. Laying against Trowa’s chest, he felt safe. And if he got up, all of his doubts would come back. They hadn’t spoken after that kiss. They hadn’t needed to. Trowa knew what he wanted, what he needed, and that was enough for Quatre.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Yes. Thank you.” Lifting his head, he looked at Trowa. The brunette's hair was a complete mess. And was completely adorable. “Are you?”

 

Muscular arms tightened around Quatre’s waist a little. “Yes. I feel wonderful.”

 

“You look sleepy still.” And Trowa just blinked back at him. Someone else might have blushed, but Trowa was, different. Quatre cupped his cheek and gently ran his thumb over Trowa’s smooth skin. “Its Christmas. Even I’m not expected to work. So we can go back to sleep.”

 

“Alright…”

 

“Is something wrong Trowa?”

 

Green eyes studied Quatre for a few moments. He couldn’t lie to Quatre. Not when he was right there. And he didn’t want to. “Did I do something wrong before?”

 

“No! Why would you think that?”

 

“You left Quatre...Cat.”

 

He blushed and glanced away at the nickname. “I didn’t want you to feel like you were stuck with me when I couldn’t give you the attention you deserve.”

 

“I don’t care if we can’t always be in the same place. I lo--”

 

Quatre pressed a finger to Trowa’s lips to stop him and shook his head. “No Trowa. Please don’t say that. I’m too busy to even talk to my secretary every day. I won’t ask anyone to put up with that.”

 

Shifting, Quatre started to get up. It had been a wonderful mistake. But he had to put a stop to it right then. Before Trowa got too hurt. Before he managed to break his heart. If he hadn’t already. But Trowa wasn’t letting him go.

 

“Why are you pushing everyone away? We only want to try and help you Quatre.”

 

“I’m fine. I don’t need help.”

 

“Cat...please don’t push me away.”

 

“Trowa, I’m sorry. This is why I…” He twisted out of Trowa’s arms and quickly found his pants. Suddenly he felt ill. This was why he’d tried not to see him. Because it hurt so much not to. But after a while he’d just felt numb and the pain had gradually faded away.

 

For a moment Trowa just stared at him. Was he really nothing to Quatre? No, that couldn’t be it. Quatre’s emotions the night before hadn’t been a lie. But now he was only hurting him. Getting to his feet, he gently wrapped his arms around the blond again, refusing to just let him run away again. “Quatre, if...I’m hurting you, then I’ll go. But I just want you to know that if you ever need me, I’ll be there.”

 

Then he let his arms drop to his sides. Quatre didn’t move, so he ran his fingers through his hair once more before getting dressed. He left without another word, because he couldn’t think of anything to say. He’d tried, and Quatre didn’t want him. It was all he could do besides hope that someday he’d be wanted again.

  
  


_**September 25th AC200** _

 

The fog of medication and pain was starting to lift. He could feel someone’s fingers running through his hair. And while it seemed familiar, he couldn’t place it at first. Groaning as he opened his eyes, the person watching over him tried to keep him still with gentle, but firm hands.

 

“Quatre, its okay. You’re safe.” The quiet words washed over him and he tried to remember what was going on. Dorothy had injured him. Or...had that? No, that was long past. He had the scar to prove it. He tilted his head so he could see the person next to him. It was Duo. Blinking didn’t change that fact.

 

His tongue worked over his dry lips, and he was glad that the tube was already gone. If his memory of that was correct even. “Duo?”

 

His best friend winced at the sound of his voice. And honestly he did sound rather horrible. “Hey buddy, try not to talk okay? Docs say you have a collapsed lung. So you just need to focus on getting better.”

 

He really wasn’t one for listening though, “Tro--?”

 

Duo clicked his tongue and gave him a look that threatened to tape his mouth shut if he wasn’t careful. “Heero and ‘Fei managed to get him to a hotel a few hours ago. He got to sit with you for a little while. But he seriously needs some rest himself. Poor guy hasn’t slept for close to two days! You had us all worried sick you little brat. So let’s lay off the kidnapping for a while, kay?”

 

Nodding, Quatre closed his eyes, completely content with slipping back off to sleep for the foreseeable future.

  
  


_**September 22nd AC200** _

 

The men who’d kidnapped him had obviously never done anything of the sort before. They knew their way around a gun, sure, but he was a 20 year old ex-terrorist, anyone could learn how to handle a gun. Quatre could tell they were starting to get anxious, and nervous. And that put him in a very dangerous position. They felt like they were already backed into a corner. Which meant he was probably living on borrowed time. He’d managed to work the knot free on the rope binding him to the chair, so now he just needed a window in which to act.

 

It finally came a few minutes later as the men began to bicker. Their attention was far from their captive, and eventually all but one man left the room. Getting to his feet as quickly and silently as he could, Quatre slipped behind the man. The loop of wire was around the man’s neck and after what seemed like an eternity, the man collapsed. He was having a hard time staying upright. And his vision was wavering, which probably meant he had a concussion.

 

The next few minutes passed in a flurry and Quatre wasn’t entirely sure what was happening until he was sliding down against a wall. A miscalculation. His other captors had merely been in the hall. And while he knew he’d managed to take out at least one, he wasn’t ready for the other to pull a gun on him. At least it didn’t hurt yet. And refocusing, he was able to down the last of the gun runners. Which was funny, because he couldn’t seem to get up. It would be so easy to just walk out of there now, but he couldn’t. Not when it was getting so hard to breathe, and his eyes were trying to droop.

 

He’d been alright with dying during the war. His death would have had some type of purpose then. But now, with so many mistakes he still needed to right, and work that needed done, accounts to transfer and look over...and Trowa…

 

He had been stupid to send Trowa away. Quatre knew that. He’d known it would happen, and he hadn’t stopped himself from doing it. No matter what he seemed hardwired to make himself and others around him unhappy. When Trowa had been out on the street, he’d been too preoccupied to even notice him at first. And it should have been the other way around. Because Trowa deserved to be loved. And he did too. Even if that was hard for the blond to allow himself when it was easier to just feel guilty.

 

Gasping for breath he clung to awareness. It would be so easy to just give up right then. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t die on Trowa, or their friends, or the people that he was sure were looking for him. He didn’t want to waste their time by dying. If he was really honest with himself, he was scared. Because he’d thought he’d have time to fix things. That he could at least apologize to the people he’d hurt. But he wasn’t sure that was possible. Not with everything trying to fade away.

  
  


**_September 26th AC200_ **

 

“Shhhh...Cat, its just a dream. You’re safe.” He felt like he’d been repeating a version of that for hours. Duo had mentioned that Quatre had come to for a little bit while he was there. But all Trowa had seen so far were his nightmares. He was doing his best to hold Quatre’s hand and let him know that he was alright. But it was always easier to reassure the blond when he was awake.

 

Lifting Quatre’s hand to his lips, he kissed the back of it gently, hoping that the gesture would help a little. “I’m here with you, and I’m not going to let anyone harm you. I promise. You’re my...friend. And I’m begging you to come back to me...to all of us. Because I really don’t know what I would do without you Quatre.”

 

“Keep...living?” Quatre offered quietly. It hurt to speak. And doing so seemed to have spooked Trowa. But the other pilot recovered quickly and pressed a kiss to his forehead. There were tears in his eyes, and Quatre couldn’t remember ever seeing those before.

 

“Quatre...I thought that…”

 

“I was…”

 

Trowa shook his head and ran his fingers through Quatre’s hair. “You’re not supposed to talk yet. So I want you to listen. And after that, if you want me to leave and never see you again, just squeeze my hand and I’ll go.”

 

Shaking his head, Quatre reached his hand up to Trowa’s cheek and closed his eyes. Trowa didn’t have to say a word. He could feel exactly what Trowa was feeling. And if Trowa didn’t want him to speak, then he wouldn’t. Instead he pulled Trowa closer and propped himself up as much as possible before kissing him. Hopefully that was clear enough.

  
  


_**December 24th AC200** _

 

Everything had finally settled down, with Duo dragging slightly drunk Heero off to bed, and Wufei and Sally heading out to their hotel. For once, Quatre hadn’t minded the noise, or Duo’s antics while trying to catch Wufei under the mistletoe. It was nice to have everyone so close for the holiday. Especially since he’d been a right Scourge the previous years. He watched the fire as it started to burn out, waiting so that he could make his own way to bed. All of his friends had helped him over the last few months. They’d taken turns in asking for time off in order to help him recover. But something had come up at the last minute that was in Trowa’s area of expertise, so even though they’d all wanted to be together for Christmas for the first time since the end of the war, it looked as if things weren’t going their way. But there was always next year, and the year after. At least that’s what he kept saying and hoping would be true.

 

Once the fire was finally out, Quatre turned out all the lights except for the ones on the Christmas tree Sally had insisted they go out and find. He’d never put lights or ornaments on a tree before, so it was at least something to keep his mind off of other things. Though he had a feeling that Sally’s ornament games were rigged so that he was the one that put the most up.

 

The stairs were at least a little easier now. Though he’d still admit to getting winded when he was in a hurry. About half way up the stairs there was a knock at the door. Occasionally they had wanderers pass by. When he wasn’t here the house was open to anyone who needed a place to stay for a night or two. So it was entirely possible that someone, passing through the town had decided to try their luck. Hugging his arms around him, he made his way back down the stairs to the front door. As soon as the fire had gone out the chill had started to creep up on him.

 

Before he even reached the door though, he heard a key start to scrape in the lock. Not many people actually had keys so Quatre kept his distance as the door opened. A dark figure opened the door slowly, brushing snow off of their tall frame and out of their hair. Quatre had a smile on his face and was wrapping his arms around Trowa before he’d even properly made it in the door.

 

“I didn’t think you’d be back.”

 

“I made sure I would be.” Trowa assured him, glancing up and seeing the slightly mangled mistletoe. “Do I get a kiss?”

 

“Only if you promise not to keep treating me like glass.”

 

“I can manage that.”

 

Standing on tiptoe, Quatre pressed his lips against Trowa’s. “Next year we’re going somewhere there isn’t any phone reception.”

 

Trowa picked him up and pushed the door closed behind him. Quatre was already frozen enough. He was quickly learning why the blond loved to snuggle. It was the shared warmth he was after. Just like a cat. “We can do that here. We just need Heero to set up a signal scrambler.”

 

“It can be his present to both of us.”

 

“Yes. Now Mr. Winner, I am taking you to bed, per doctor’s orders.” The taller man said as he started taking Quatre upstairs. He wasn’t willing to miss another Christmas with Quatre.

 


End file.
